How A Kindle Saved My Life (and my va-jay-jay)

June 8, 2014

There is this one totally weird story I wanted to tell you about how I came to fall in love with Kindle. It’s not totally comfortable for me to talk about but I feel like you deserve to know if we are going to work together.

I didn’t always like ebooks. In fact, I didn’t get a Kindle until I went to Vietnam last year for a friend’s wedding.

To get from Hanoi to Hoi An where the wedding was, I had to take the train you see here and I was a little nervous about it as you can see. I was traveling alone and I would need to share a small room with 3 other people for almost 24 hours.

Just before I got on the train, I found a spot of wifi and I posted this picture on Facebook and explained that I was quite nervous and if people could send me good vibes for the ride I’d really appreciate it.

Shortly after I posted that picture, I met the most delightful English-speaking 8-year-old and his family. Things were looking up and the power of positive energy from my friends and family seemed to be kicking in.

When I got to my cabin, there was a lovely young couple who I was sharing the room with. The girl was pregnant and she was dying for pastries, so her husband jumped off the train, found a french pastry shop (I love Vietnam!) and bought them out of everything. When he came back, we could have opened a bakery! Instead the 3 of us bonded over almond cookies and coissants until the sun set.

Clearly, I had nothing to worry about.

I guess felt silly asking to take a picture of them… or maybe too touristy or something, so I snuck this picture in while they slept.

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The next morning, my new friends scurried off the train and a new stranger came to share my cabin…

Here’s where the story gets weird… and not safe for work… (I don’t have any more pictures either….)

The 40-something Vietnamese man who got in my cabin seemed nice enough. His English was basic but we shared pictures of our kids and other pleasantries about the air conditioning. Outside the train compartment we were in it was probably over 130 degrees. Vietnam is sweltering.

I decided to read my Kindle a bit and then fell asleep. When I woke up, I had this feeling someone was taking my picture. This seemed sort of silly and/or ironic as I had just snuck a picture of my sleeping friends. (see above)

I opened my eyes and sure enough, there was a camera inches from my face. The man in my cabin had been photographing me while I slept.

NOW see – I told you this was a weird story!!! But remember I’d just done the same thing – so I felt like I got why he was doing it.

(BTW – we are about to get to the bit about my life being saved in a minute so don’t stop reading now!)

He looked caught and guilty when he saw me wake up and I wanted to ease his discomfort. I wanted to treat him the way I hoped that couple would have treated me.

And so I smiled and said, “You don’t have to take pictures of me sleeping! I’ll pose for you!”

In retrospect, this wasn’t wise.

He photographed me for a few minutes and then sat next to me to show me the shots, but a second later he put the camera down abruptly, lifted my sundress, moved my underwear to the side and bit my vagina!

I had my Kindle next to me and picked it up and began beating him over the head trying to get him to release his jaw.

He came up for air but he didn’t stop. He told me I was beautiful and he wanted to marry me and he touched me everywhere he could get his hands. My only defense was my Kindle. I tried to leave the car or call for help, but I was trapped.

We wrestled for hours. Luckily, he was small and I’m strong, but my real saving grace was my shatterproof Kindle. I must have struck him 100 times with that thing. And when he’d calm down, I’d read with an intensity I’ve never read before. It was hard to concentrate, but I forced myself to breath and focus.

When I finally got free, I felt this bizarre connection to this inanimate object.

I don’t know where I would be today if I didn’t have my Kindle on that train.

I started paying more attention to ebooks then. I guess it took a strange man biting my vagina to get me to notice this gift right under my eyes. When I came home from Vietnam I started my first ebook writing program and since I’ve published 26 ebooks on the Kindle platform. Every single one has become a best seller.

Look, I’m not grateful for what happened exactly. It was a terrifying experience. But it’s the experience that led me here – led us here really.

I have a lot of shame telling that story. Why did I let him take my picture? Why didn’t I fight harder to get out of the train car? Why didn’t I bang on every door in the train car asking for help and screaming rape?

I didn’t want to embarrass him. I didn’t want to make a scene. I didn’t want to accept the reality of what was happening.

But without that guy, your book might not have been born. So in the end, I’m okay with what happened.

 

If anything about this story – or my emails all this week – have hit you in a way that feels like fate, or destiny, I want you to think about me fighting that guy off with my Kindle and know that’s what brings us here… to the last day… your last chance to say yes to yourself… to your inner author…to your book.

Here’s the sign up link: Your DELICIOUS Book.

Enrollment closes at midnight Eastern.

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