Book Journeys Author Interview – Mar. 9, 2017
Jenn McRobbie with Dr. Ron Holt, author of Pride: You Can’t Heal if You’re Hiding from Yourself.
“What are you waiting for?” ~Dr. Ron Holt
Jenn:
Well, hello, everyone! It’s March 9th, and you are in for a treat today. Welcome to another episode on Book Journeys Radio. Every week, on Book Journeys Radio, we speak to accomplished authors who have gone from just having an idea for a book to a finished book, who are out making a difference in the world, and today’s author is Dr. Ron Holt, and he is making such an impact in this world that I just cannot wait for you all to hear how he’s changing the lives of LGBT youth and adults everywhere. He’s a psychiatrist and motivational speaker, and his book is titled Pride: You Can’t Heal if You’re Hiding from Yourself. Welcome to the show, Ron!
Ron:
Thank you so much, it’s an honor to be here with you.
Jenn:
Oh, I’m so glad you can come on and – and tell everybody about what’s been happening for you, because – well, we won’t get to it yet, we’ll leave everyone in suspense a little bit, but Ron told me some really big news right before we went live. But before we go there, Ron, could you tell the listeners a little bit about your book and who it’s for?
Ron:
Absolutely, I’d be happy to. So, the book is about what the subtitle says, you can’t heal if you’re hiding from yourself. As a board-certified psychiatrist and a gay man, I have to tell the listeners that coming out, for me, was so excruciating that I almost didn’t survive it. I was born and raised in rural Nebraska –
Jenn:
Oh, boy.
Ron:
– and so, that was a very difficult place to – yeah, to come out as gay, and my – my father was very homophobic, and that made it really hard, as well. And so, … I – I don’t want other kids to … go through what I went through, and I – I want it to be a lot easier for today’s young people, and so I’ve actually written a book that I wish I would have had when I was going through the struggles of my own identity and my own sexuality, … – right, … how was I going to live it, how was I going to express to others, how was I going to come out. If I would have had the book that I had written, it would have been a lot easier.
Jenn:
I love that, and in – it’s so clear who you’re audience is, with this book.
Ron:
Totally.
Jenn:
Its … there was never any doubt, for you, who you were speaking to, right?
Ron:
That’s exactly right, and … it’s not just … lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender youth but if you think about it … it’s their parents and allies and friends and ever – everybody else who’s impacted by the things that occur to LGBT young people, and adults, for that matter.
Jenn:
Right. … we – we always talk about how the books that we produce at the Author Incubator are a love letter to an ideal reader.
Ron:
That’s right.
Jenn:
But that love letter, … in your case, in particular, I think, it really highlights issues for advocates and other people who really want to help people stop hiding who they really are.
Ron:
That’s exactly right. And if you think about it, it’s not just LGBT people who are hiding, ‘cause, really, all of us have something that we’re hiding from.
Jenn:
Oh, yes.
Ron:
And so, in those – yeah, and so, it really does work not just for LGBT people but for others who may be struggling … with a – relationships, or struggling with something they’ve never told other people about, or eating disorder, or something to that effect, and so, really, this book is not just for LGBT people but anybody who’s really struggling with something that they really have a hard time coming out with. And I think once they do, and … they do come out, and they live their lives a – authentically, life can be so much happier and so much more fulfilling.
Jenn:
Well, I think it’s so important that – for people to know, and for anyone listening, or if you’re already frantically trying to type in amazon.com and find Dr. Holt’s book, go on Amazon, it’s called Pride, Ron Holt, you’ll find it.
Ron:
Yup. … well.
Jenn:
And I think it’s so important for people to know that you have walked this path, so not only are you certified as a psychiatrist, but you’ve personally walked this path. I assume you’re … with your clients?
Ron:
Yeah, and so, certainly, … I’ve impacted things, but really, i – in addition to that, where I’ve gotten most of my material and the … information that I knew would be helpful for people is the seventeen years of community service talks I’ve been doing across the country, mostly in the Midwest, where I’m from, where I target … kids who are struggling with their se – sexuality. My target audience is – or, the audiences that – that I speak to, generally, … is … a college audience, is … community people from the … that I can come in, and so, it’s not just specifically LGBT people that are in the room, but I know that there are kids that hear me speak that are struggling, and so, after I give my talk, what’s so heartwarming for me is, I’ll just get … these random e-mails from them, saying that, “After hearing you talk, I realize that I’m not alone, and I’m gonna go talk to a counselor,” “I’m gonna come out to my parents,” or “I’m gonna go to a GSA group,” or something that changed their life, and that, to me, is just so heartwarming, to know that just a half hour or an hour talk that I give can somehow impact someone’s life for the better.
Jenn:
I’m covered in goosebumps, because I cannot imagine a more rewarding way to … go about your life.
Ron:
Oh, yeah, it’s – it’s truly enabling, and what I have to say that … when this book came out – … I’ve been giving the talks, … I’ve talked to, maybe, a couple of hundred audiences over the seventeen years … as a volunteer, but then, the book was able to reach people that I would never be able to reach otherwise, and I started getting … messages from people by e-mail or on Twitter or social media how the impact – the book had impacted them. … some of them brought me to tears, … just the difference that they’ve had, or “After reading the book, I realized that I’m not alone,” “… –
Jenn:
Right!
Ron:
– my boyfriend, because he’s struggling and we can work through this together,” and – … it’s so heartwarming to know that you can take your own adversity, like mine, coming out and struggling when I was young, and turning that into an outlet for others today. ….
Jenn:
So, … you were already making this difference, … you were already making this impact in the world. Why – why a book? … what – what guided you to write a book about it?
Ron:
Well, … I’ve been doing these talks for – for quite – quite a few years, and … yes, I’ve – I’ve reached … over ten thousand kids by doing that, but when you think about a book, that’s something that someone’s al – and do in the privacy of their home, and they don’t have to travel somewhere to hear me speak, … they can – it’s not something they just have to read off the social media, they can download it to their iPhone or they can … actually buy the book and – and read it. It … allows somebody the opportunity to listen to my message in the privacy of their own home, or the privacy of just being … with themselves and being able to … take the things that I’ve – I’ve learned and the things that I’ve written in that book and apply it to what – what they’re going through today. And so, that’s why I think I really wanted to do the book route.
Jenn:
That makes so much sense, because … so many times, we – we talk – … I talk to people on here all the time, … became authors … out of their adversity, but I – I feel like, in today’s current climate, that sometimes there’s still a secrecy –
Ron:
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Jenn:
– around LGBT or even just … whatever you’re hiding from.
Ron:
That’s exactly right. Yup.
Jenn:
And it’s so crucial that you can contact to those people when they’re feeling secretive, right?
Ron:
Total – well, yeah, ab – absolutely, and if you think about it, someone who’s – who’s struggling with their sexual orientation or gender i – identity, they’re not gonna come to a – a – … some kind of lecture that has Dr. Holt in front of them that’s talking about … LGBT’s right? … they’re – they’re afraid to come out, they’re not gonna come to a meeting like that, …? And so, … wha – what’s another way to do it but to give them a venue in which they can do it in their own privacy, …? … it’s a great way to do it.
Jenn:
So, do you find now, that, now that you’ve written this book, that you’re everyone’s best friend? Because … you’re the person who’s out there letting people know they’re not alone.
Ron:
Yeah, exactly, and … what’s just so am – amazing about that is that, … I – I know, and I’m sure that my – many other authors feel this way, too, especially after you’ve written a book, that the – the one person that reaches out to you, there’s probably ninety-nine others that you’ve impacted as well but do not reach out to you for whatever reason. And so, … I don’t expect to actually get a lot of, … “You’ve changed my life,” but I know, just over the years of doing my talks, that … – I guess I have had this – the seventeen years that I’ve been giving these talks, I’ve had hundreds of people who have reached out over time, but … when you consider that, you figure that there’s thousands that you somehow im – impacted, … – I remember, a couple of years ago, maybe about fi – five years ago, now, I had a grandmother that sent me an e-mail, saying … “I was in one of your talks ten years ago, and – I – I didn’t think it really pertained to me, and then, all of a sudden – my grandson is fifteen and came out to me as gay.” And she says, “I knew exactly what to say to him because of what you said to me, … several years earlier,” and I thought, “Oh, that just gave me goosebumps, …?”
Jenn:
Right!
Ron:
So, when you come in like that, totally out of the blue, … it’s … she had to look – look me up on Google and – and reach out to me and say, “You changed my grandson’s life,” … I was able to say, “I don’t care about … your – your se – sexuality, I love you just as much and thank you for sharing.” And she says, “I would not have known the words to say when he said that to me,” and man, that – that kinda stuff is worth writing the book right there, … just getting one comment like that and getting your message out there, that makes it totally worth it.
Jenn:
Yeah, … that one person, right there, is enough, right? … –
Ron:
Absolutely! Right!
Jenn:
Obviously, you want to impact more lives, but that one –
Ron:
Right!
Jenn:
– the id – you can pretty much hang up your hat now, right?
Ron:
Right! An – well, and if you think about it, that kid does – didn’t even know who I was, right?
Jenn:
Right!
Ron:
It was someone else, it was an ally. It was an – family member who – who benefitted from listening to my message. And so, … you touch people in so many ways that you’ll never know about. And there’s some – … there’s sometimes you do – that’s great, and that’s – that’s fine. But there’s a lot of times that you don’t, and that’s okay, too! Because this comes from our heart, we – we – we come from a servant’s heart to help others lead better lives.
Jenn:
That’s so true. That’s so true, but … when you come from such a place of service, do you find that it’s easy to help and write and speak about these topics?
Ron:
Oh, yeah.
Jenn:
Or do you find that, sometimes, it’s – it’s difficult for you to – to get there and share, because this is a really personal story, right?
Ron:
Y – oh, it’s totally a personal story, but I think – I think me not doing it is actually doing less justice to society than me going out there and telling my story. It is true, when I was younger, I was terrified to tell others what I went through because I was ashamed, I was embarrassed, but then, once I came to realize that, there’s nothing being wrong with gay or bisexual or trans at all, …?
Jenn:
Right.
Ron:
And I thought, “I have a story that I need to share with others, and if I don’t share that message of what happened to me and how it – we can prevent it from happening to others, then I’m not doing justice for society and I’m being selfish.” … and that was anoth – that was another reason why I wrote the book, too, ‘cause it’s … “Man, I have got a whole volume of in – information, not only from the psychiatrist’s point of view, … once being a closeted man, and then all the experiences I – I’ve been having, talking to audiences, I have to take that and give it to others, because o – otherwise, I’m just being selfish by holding onto this – this in- intellectual property, if you will, … that’s not fair to others. I want others to have a better life than – than I did, and that’s why I was doing those talks, and that’s why I … wrote the book as well, I want others to have a better life.
Jenn:
So, that’s a really big place to come from, when you’re starting a book, … knowing that – you already knew that your story was already, and was going to, in the future, change lives.
Ron:
Yes.
Jenn:
Was is easy to write the story? Because you are coming from that place?
Ron:
… it’s a good – … it’s funny that you say that, because, even though I’ve talked to hundreds of audiences, ….
Jenn:
Right.
Ron:
To write a book and actually put down what happened to you, and all the – all the adversity that you went through, it – it’s different, it is different, … to put it down in writing for the world to see, whoever wants to see it, across the world – and they do. … when my book came out through this program, it became a number one bestseller o – on Amazon in seven different countries, … –
Jenn:
Wow!
Ron:
Yeah! It was incredible. It was truly incredible. And so, that – that tells you that the message needs to get out there. And so – yeah, so, yeah, … you do feel somewhat vulnerable that you’re – you’re putting your message and your ad – adversity out there for others to read from, but … again, like I said earlier, I actually would feel worse if I didn’t do that, because then, I’m just being selfish with all the knowledge that I’ve gained and my experiences.
Jenn:
Yeah. How did you get yourself over those blocks? Did you just tell yourself, “Buck up, Ron, your message is important,” or did you take a walk, what did you do?
Ron:
Well, … – wouldn’t that be great? Yeah. Well, … just to be honest, … when you – when you grow up in a hou – household where you’ve been bullied and victimized by your own father for being … gay –
Jenn:
Right!
Ron:
– or whatever it is that – that you’re struggling with, … it’s not easy, and so, … I went to years of therapy, …. Therapy got me through all that, and I’ve – I came – I came to realize that, “Gosh, I can’t do this on my own, and I – I wanna be a better person,” and so I went to years of therapy and that helped me tremendously. … everybody could benefit from therapy, … wonderful thing or all of us, right? And so, … –
Jenn:
Everyone needs to be heard.
Ron:
Absolutely! Are you kidding? Yes! And we’ve all got issues, right? We’ve all got issues that we can work with, there’s nothing wrong with that, …. We have to normalize that, that we’ve all had things that we’ve gone through, that we can be better people if we understand it. So, it was after doing that when I realized, “Wow! … There’s nothing wrong with being gay, it was about my father, it wasn’t about me,” once I learned all that stuff, then … I thought, “I have to take what I’ve learned and turn this into an asset for other people,” and so, it was community, it was therapy, … it was self ac – acceptance and self-love, a combination of all those things that allowed me the strength to – to write.
Jenn:
That’s so – I’m looking for the right word. … I want to say I’m proud of you, even though I don’t really know you personally, but I am so proud to know that you were able to overcome that adversity because of the thousands of people you’re helping now.
Ron:
…. Absolutely. Absolutely. It takes a village, …. And … and my point – it does, and my point is service, I’m not just out there helping them, they’re also helping me, right? Because, when I – when I’m up there, in front of that audience, and I’m telling my story, it’s very cathartic, … and it really … helps me … work through my issues and saying, “Yes, I am doing the right thing with my life.” The purpose that I’ve set out to do is the correct thing. And so, when I get those … stories from people in the audience – there’s some people who’ve written me after … reading my book, saying how much it’s helped them, that validates me, and that I’m doing the right thing. And so, it’s a two-way street, I don’t wanna face just me helping them, but they help me, too.
Jenn:
I’m so glad you brought that up, because I think, for so many authors, they – they know that’s happening, but they don’t necessarily have the words to explain just how much their audience means to them.
Ron:
Oh, absolutely. It’s a two-way street.
Jenn:
It really is, and I – and I – that’s something that … on this – on this show, we talk about … book journeys, and – and how you came to write a book and why you wrote a book, and I – I just really want the listeners to know that message that, when you write a book – yes, there’s some catharsis involved, and … it’s important to share your message and everything, but it really is a gift that you’ll get back in spades.
Ron:
Absolutely. Oh, … tenfold. Absolutely.
Jenn:
Tenfold, exactly. Well, I don’t wanna keep everyone in suspense any longer, because I told them, in the beginning of the show, that you told me some … super big news, right, before we went live.
Ron:
Yeah.
Jenn:
And I’m gonna frame it like this: what’s the best thing that has happened to you since you’ve written this book?
Ron:
So, the best thing that’s happened to me – so let me just … talk about my little process of – of – of what happened while I was writing, and that – why I was so happy to be in the – … Angela’s program, it is, … I started writing back in Jul – yes, I started writing back in July, … and within a few weeks, … several weeks we actually had our manuscript done, and then I decided to do the next step, right? Which w – which … – and everyone is … “Oh, really? You can’t do that in a few weeks,” and actually, you can! You really can. You just – yeah, you totally need to have somebody there who wa – kee – keep your feet to the fire, will help you … weekly session, will help you know the things that you need to do in order to get your manuscript out there, and it does happen. I’m living proof, right? If I can do it, anyone can do it. And then, I – I also then published with her as well, but then, during the publishing part of it, … my mom had a major stroke.
Jenn:
Oh, boy.
Ron:
And that was … – yeah, that was … in early October, and long story short, within three weeks, from the point of her stroke, she died.
Jenn:
Oh, no!
Ron:
And so, I was – yeah, and so, here I was, in October of 2016, trying to deal with that, … trying to finish with the publishing part, and what was so amazing is that … Angela and … her whole team were … “You know what? We have your back, we’ve got you covered, we know you’ve got a family emergency, you’ve gotta take care of that, you’ve already written your book, we – we’re gonna help you get this out there,” and we did, we stayed o – on the timeline, and I was able to publish December 15th on – on Amazon the way that I was supposed to. And so, that was truly an amazing thing for me, and that me – makes me so grateful, that I did the program, … with … – with A – Angela and the Author In – Incubator. So when my mom was on – when my mom was on her deathbed, … – it was interesting, before she had died, she says, “You know, Ron,” she says, “there are things in life that I wish that I would have done with my life, and I didn’t, and I now regret them.”
Jenn:
Oh, wow.
Ron:
And she says, “I don’t want that to happen to you. I don’t want that to happen to you,” and I heard it, I heard that from my mom. And then, she knows how much that I always wanted to do speaking full time and to write a book, in fact, she h – was able to read my book as a – … – before it was actually published, which meant so much to me, so she read it before she died, and she gave me her blessing. A – yeah, and then – and then, after she – she passed – while – the day before she passed away, … I told her on – on her deathbed, I said, “You know, mom, I’m gonna – I’m gonna follow my heart, I’m gonna do what you said,” and gave me her permission to do, and I’m – I’m going to quit my corporate job of twenty years and I’m gonna go out and change – to help change … lives full time. And then, she passed away the following day, and I’m gonna – I’m gonna fulfil that promise that I made to her. And so, as of March 10th, tomorrow, I’m – I’ll be officially resigned from my corporate job of twenty years.
Jenn:
Wow!
Ron:
Yeah. Huge.
Jenn:
I – that’s huge. … not only is it the culmination of a lifetime’s work on yourself and learning –
Ron:
Yes. ….
Jenn:
– but your – I bet your mom, whatever anyone believes, is looking upon you with such pride that she could barely contain herself.
Ron:
Oh, yeah, there’s no – there’s no question, there’s no question, … – when she said that to me, … just really about two or three weeks before she actually had the stroke, which we didn’t know that was gonna happen, she wasn’t at risk for it, and it just happened, and so that, …. So, for her saying that, and then her passing away and then me … on her deathbed, saying, “I’m gonna follow – mo – mom, I’m gonna do what you said and I’m gonna follow my heart, … I’m – I’m gonna do what you weren’t able to do.” … man, that’s – that was huge for me, and I’m so excited about what the future holds. Is it scary to leave a corporate job? Yeah.
Jenn:
Oh, yeah.
Ron:
But you know what’s even mo – what’s even more scary is to – is to stay there and not follow my heart.
Jenn:
Oh, yes. And that’s more than scary, that’s almost – that’s depressing, right? When you look at it that way?
Ron:
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. When – I was thinking about that, it’s … “Do I wanna stay for another ten to fifteen years and then finally reach retirement age, but then look back and say, ‘What have I done with my life? Wha – what have I done with my passion of helping others?’” That, to me, was too much of a burden to bear.
Jenn:
Uh, I just – I want our listeners and everyone to know where they can find you, Ron. Where can they find you, if they know of a community that needs to hear your words or read your book? Where’s that place?
Ron:
Oh, absolutely. Yeah, so, I’d love to tell them. So, … I have two websites, one of which, for the listeners that are listening today, I’ve – I created a LGBT themed coloring book that’s available for free as a .pdf, and if you just go to drronholt.info, that’s “doctor” ron holt dot info, they can totally download it for free right there, and if they wanna learn more about me and about my – my website, which is newly-minted, it’s – it’s doctor ron holt dot com, drronholt.com, and I would be more than happy to help people in any way that I can. … about making money, right?
Jenn:
…. No! … it’s – well, it’s about changing lives, right?
Ron:
Yes. It is! ….
Jenn:
And people – I’m assuming they can read – right! They can reach you through your website, right? … e-mail or –
Ron:
…. Absolutely, yup, totally.
Jenn:
That’s – that’s – that’s – that’s so – … I’m so thrilled for you, Ron, it’s super exciting, and it was hard for me to contain that for the –
Ron:
…. I know. I’m – I’m really thrilled to – … it’s just a whole variety of emotions that a person goes through when they’re writing a book, but I’m gonna tell you, it’s life altering, I never – I would do it again in a heartbeat. ….
Jenn:
Oh. Well, are you going to do it again? Is there another book, perhaps, in the works?
Ron:
Well, … I just finished – yeah, I just finished the LGBT coloring book, which is – it’s much more than just a coloring book, it’s got affirmations in there and quotes from famous people and me – meditation practice guidelines, it’s really an amazing thing, and so – yeah, I do, actually, I – I could see myself pumping out a book maybe – … I’ll be ambitious here, but maybe every three – three to four months now.
Jenn:
Wow!
Ron:
… I have to do it. I have to do it. … I have to get the message out there, … it’s – it’s – sorry.
Jenn:
… I’m just so excited to see where all of this is gonna go for you. … it is –
Ron:
Me, too! Me, too.
Jenn:
So, here’s … the big question, then. What was different about writing or publishing a book than you had expected?
Ron:
What was different? I would say, the ease of doing it? … I really did – yeah. I really – I really didn’t think – … I really didn’t think that it would be as – as easy as – as it was, but actually having someone – I – I tried to write a book before I went into An – Angela’s program on my – on my own, and it doesn’t work – … it didn’t work really well for me, I had a bunch of ideas and I had words and I had … the ways to conceptualize things, but I really didn’t know how to put it together in a book format, right?
Jenn:
Right.
Ron:
And so, actually, having Angela there and being able to say, “Okay, this week, we’re gonna be doing this, and this week we’re gonna be doing that,” and it’s totally different in the way that you think that you would write a book. … you don’t – you don’t start with just writing, right?
Jenn:
Right!
Ron:
There’s a lot of things you need to do even before you start writing! And I didn’t know that, …. And so, I would say it was the learning from the program … on how to format – or not … how to format, but how to write and the steps in which to write, in that there’s – there’s certain things that you – you need to do before you do … with others, that really made a huge difference for me. And the idea that I could actually have a manuscript done within just a few weeks was incredible! … and I still … even today, thinking about it.
Jenn:
But now that you’ve achieved that, don’t you feel … “Oh, I can totally do that again.”
Ron:
I do! I do, actually. I do. I – I feel – I feel that way. I probably won’t, once you … get involved with it … “Oh, gosh, what did I get myself into?” ….
Jenn:
Sometimes, those are the best adventures, though, right?
Ron:
I know! I know. And, listen, the first time is the hardest time, so you get through that, I think you can get through – through the rest of it, and honestly, I don’t know what – what percentage they say people will actually wanna write a book, but the ones who actually do is so small, why not be in that – in that Ivy League of people who … through their hearts, right? And actually write what they want to do! … get it out there!
Jenn:
…. Get it out there.
Ron:
Get it out there. Selfish not to. Right.
Jenn:
Well, and that – that leads into my last question, and – and first, I wanna say, I’m – I’ve – it’s been so enjoyable speaking to you and I’m … bummed we only have half an hour, right? I think we needed three hours to cover all the topic? But – but I ask this of all of our authors, and I think it’s – it’s really important for people to hear your answer. I usually ask, “What’s your advice for someone who wants to write a book but hasn’t been able to finish it?” But for you, I think the question is a little more nuanced, where I’ll say, “If there’s someone listening right now who is hiding from stepping into that role as an author, what kind of advice can you give them?”
Ron:
Well, … I … go back to my subtitle of my book, you cannot heal if you are hiding, right? And so, if you’ve got a message inside you, if you’ve got something that you need to release, too, to the Universe that’s gonna be helpful to them and helpful to you, by all means, do it. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to live … authentically, and if getting your message out there through a book is gonna do it, then what are you waiting for?
Jenn:
That’s it? What are you waiting for?
Ron:
….
Jenn:
Go out, write your book, exactly. And before you go out and write your book, go on to Amazon right now, download Pride: You Can’t Heal if You’re Hiding from Yourself, go to drronholt.info to download your coloring book so you can think it out.
Ron:
Yes. ….
Jenn:
And then, got to drronholt.com and book Dr. Ron for a speech or send him a note to let him know how much he’s changed your life.
Ron:
I love all that. Thank you so much.
Jenn:
Awesome! Thank you so much for being on the show, this has been such a pleasure, please join us again next week when we have another episode of Book Journeys Radio.