Book Journeys Author Interview – Apr. 27, 2017
Jenn McRobbie with Lori Losch, author of Rather than Rehab: Quit Bulimia & Upgrade Your Life.
“Our biggest mess in life is our biggest message.” ~Lori Losch
Jenn:
Well, hello, everyone! Welcome to another episode of Book Journeys Radio. It’s April 27th, 2017 and I have a really important and amazing guest on the show for you today. As you know, every week on Book Journeys Radio, we speak to accomplished authors, and today’s author is a three-time bestseller. Only one of those bestsellers was with us, through the Author Incubator, but we’ll talk to her about becoming a bestselling author and how she developed the ideas for her book and is now out making a huge difference in the world. Today’s author is Lori Losch. She is a certified addiction recovery coach and I’m so excited to talk to her about her book. Welcome to the show, Lori!
Lori:
Thanks, Jenn! So excited to be here.
Jenn:
I’m so glad you could join me today. I always start the show by asking our authors to tell the audience a little bit about their book and who it’s for. So, let’s start with your most recent book that you wrote with us, and then talk about the others also.
Lori:
Sure! Most recent book is called Rather than Rehab: Quit Bulimia & Upgrade Your Life, and my … ideal reader is somebody who’s been struggling with – specifically bulimia but really any eating disorder or addiction, and needs help getting out of it.
Jenn:
How do you come across a topic like that, Lori? … it’s – it’s … a terrifying topic, I think, to those of us who haven’t really had that much exposure to eating disorders.
Lori:
Is it? ….
Jenn:
A little bit. … I … because –
Lori:
No, I love that, good question, because when – … it was part of my life, so I never really think about how it is for people that haven’t … had that in their world. I think it’s so common nowadays.
Jenn:
Yeah.
Lori:
That it’s so secret, it’s so hidden. … we’ve done things … – our obesity epidemic and things like that. We’re obviously having some funky relationships around food.
Jenn:
Right.
Lori:
And … – and I – I might have just taken it to one major extreme, as people who have eating disorders … tend to be a little – any addiction, really, it – we’re not typically people who … flatline life or – or … go big or go home and that was definitely my experience, and … coming – … gosh, I was … doing it for over twenty years.
Jenn:
Wow.
Lori:
I never thought I would be this person that – … thirty-four years old, I’m forty-eight now, I’ve been in recovery for four years coming up May 9th, and … I was in a treatment center back in ‘95, and I was 27. I remember looking around and there was this one … older woman, my age now, and I remember thinking, “Yeah, … you’re older, you should have your act together,” ….
Jenn:
Right!
Lori:
There I was, … forty-three years old and I’m still in it, and I’m …, “Yeah, I need to – I need to stop this.” But … virtually impossible for so long, but then I figured out a – a way and a formula and some … set things really helpful for me, and now it’s all about sharing that … others overcome.
Jenn:
I just think it’s so important, Lori, and I – and I think my … fear of the topic, or … – it is that point that you just made, that it is something that’s hidden, and as a mother of two daughters, I’m scared that they would hide something that big from me, …?
Lori:
Sure. ….
Jenn:
And so, I – I’m – it’s so – … I just – I really appreciate the fact that you are willing to share such a personal story with, really, the world, right? In order to help others.
Lori:
… here it is. Yes. Yeah. Well, I – I really believe our biggest mess in life is our biggest message, and so, … was definitely aligned and – and it … – the topic took me, people … “How did you achieve the top – … undo their … what time … choose a topic?”
Jenn:
Right.
Lori:
So, write one, and it’s … “Wow.” It’s – I think topics choose us, they’re our life experience and they’re where we have – … have the biggest impact in terms of helping others. … we can only lead people … down a path we traveled, so ….
Jenn:
Agreed. Well in – that is really at the core of a lot of what we teach at the Author Incubator, which is that you have to start from a servant’s heart. And I – I love your phrase, that our biggest mess is our mess – biggest message, because that is such a succinct way of saying that we all are an expert in something, right?
Lori:
Yes.
Jenn:
Yeah, it’s amazing. So – I – … – so, you say the topic came to you … naturally, just from your life, and from what you experienced and what you’ve learned, but because it’s such a personal topic, was it difficult to write about?
Lori:
In a way it was. … the process the Difference Press takes you through is – makes it so much easier, … in this book, … – when it was first … dropped into my … in ‘95, and then the treatment center, I’m thinking, “Okay, I’m definitely gonna … help people come out of this one day,” and the book that I was planning on writing, I had – it was gonna be called “Private Prisons,” and – and I had this little thought of what it was gonna be, but – but somehow it – well, first off, I couldn’t write it, way back then, and I couldn’t write it until I had recovery of my own.
Jenn:
Right.
Lori:
But even that – … the title itself, or even the way I was thinking of writing it was … more mem – memoir-y, and – and I think that was my biggest block, because I didn’t really wanna write a memoir, … who really cares about this … person’s story, in a way, right? And then … when – when – … but people want some – they – they want something in it for them, how are they gonna be helped by this, and … Angela really put it – put it in all of her authors’ minds that, … be of service and how are you gonna help your ideal reader, and just … writing a memoir type book – … maybe it will, maybe it won’t, … but she really had – had a great formula for creating … structure around writing it from more of your heart center rather than from your mind, and with that … ideal reader in your mind, and so, that totally switched it. Then, it was … “Oh, I get it. This is … a real bestselling why.” This isn’t just this, “Oh, I just wanna write a book.” This is …, “Oh, yes, I can really help people with this,” so that – that really switched … the ease of writing.
Jenn:
Right. And that – that makes so much sense, when you – when you say it that way, that shifting the focus away – really … – I guess I wanna say, shifting the focus away from yourself and onto your reader makes it … one step removed from the personal nature of your topic.
Lori:
Well, … for me, it – it was still super personal, … I – I’ve had … throughout the book of a very, very intimate, … embarrassing, what might be shameful … experience, is that … things that I’ve done with … –
Jenn:
Right.
Lori:
– with … that. So, I definitely have those aspects in it, but I think it – it created just a stronger “why.” I think … that’s a big deal …, but if you don’t have a very –
Jenn:
I see.
Lori:
– strong “why,” it can get … muddled and … much – much … focus, and that’s one thing about my “why” … is – is … “Damn, okay, this is … – changed my whole – … the chapters that I’ve … on writing, the stories … including, all of that really shifted, and then when it came down to … sit and write, it was much, much easier.
Jenn:
That’s so interesting to hear, especially because you have written and published two books prior to this one, right?
Lori:
Yeah, … I’ve done two children’s books, and then – but one adult nonfiction, I’m not – adult nonfiction. My publisher suggested I take contents of that and condense it into … Jack Canfield way to … –
Jenn:
Oh!
Lori:
Chicken Soup for the Soul, …, and his latest is The Soul of Success, who’s got a new series, comes – that came out last … 2015, I think it was?
Jenn:
Wow!
Lori:
And so, they suggested I apply – … to do a chapter on that. So, that was my third, quote, bestselling book, I guess if you’re a contributing author, they include you in all those ….
Jenn:
Yes. That’s fantastic!
Lori:
Yeah! And that was my other book, Safe Souls, it’s a teaching that I bring into businesses, … it’s on time-cleaning clear communication and how that affects … – essentially, affects a company’s bottom line, because employees and staff members and teammates think how … clean and clear to be able to be creative and know that there’s – everybody has their back covered and then, there’s just no drama, no gossip and all of that … stuff. So, that was written out of – really, from my workshop, … really wanna be able to bring this information … to our friends and families, it’s … you need to write this. So, I did write it, and it’s a – it’s a great little book. Wasn’t necessarily like my – my …, Rather than Reha – Rather than Rehab was really …, okay, this is … a book that I had to have to write, and ….
Jenn:
Right. And it’s almost … your destiny, right?
Lori:
Yeah, … I couldn’t shake this monkey off my back until I actually wrote it. Whereas the other ones, … just projects, let’s say, … “Okay, I’m gonna have to write,” but it wasn’t as significant as this one.
Jenn:
Well, let’s talk about that a little bit, then, Lori, because I – I’ve heard a lot of authors say their book, essentially – … you called it the monkey on your back, that the book, essentially, was beating you down into you got it out on paper.
Lori:
Yes. ….
Jenn:
What’s that like? Yeah, what’s that like? … you said, in 1995, you really wanted to … try to write this book, so … here we are, ten years later. Was it beating on your door the whole ten years?
Lori:
Well, twenty years later. Y – yeah, …. Yup.
Jenn:
Twenty years later. My God, I can’t even add.
Lori:
Well, … in this case, I couldn’t possibly write that book because I wasn’t recovered yet. So, I couldn’t – I couldn’t … lead somebody to a watering hole that was dry. So, that – that’s simply why I didn’t write the book all those years ago.
Jenn:
….
Lori:
But then, writing – but, yeah, you have to – you have to have knowledge on the book to be credible. You have to – you can’t be … “Oh, these are theories that might work.” No, ….
Jen:
Right!
Lori:
– use what works for me.
Jenn:
Right.
Lori:
And so, they’ve sold – they sold … quite easy to write in the kay – it’s because I had people that were asking for it. So, it was … this thing out there was saying, … “We really want this book, so sit down and write it.” “Okay, I’ll do that,” so it was … a little bit grumbling and – but – but this one … is a joy, because I knew it was time, … in – in the world of recovery, … addiction recovery? When you get into the three and four years, you’re actually – they consider that a long-term recovery, so I know – I know I can relapse. I know that something completely in my past, and it just felt like this is the time to write it. I’m – I’m recovered enough, I’ve got enough knowledge base behind me and enough experience and – and of hope, really, like what they say in AA, if you want – if your experience … hope, ….
Jenn:
Right. Right!
Lori:
And … even the same as other thing – the same thing, any addiction, it’s just pain avoidance, you’re just – you’ve got some pains in your … pain body, if you always … words, you … and we’re trying to numb that pain, so what are you using? Food, alcohol, workaholism, … co-dependent – whatever it is, using something out there to try to get out of that pain, … you’re an addict, so – so, yeah, it was just – it was just …. I’m no longer in that world, so … time to help those other people out of that world, it’s really … living in Hell.
Jenn:
Well, and then – … that brings me to another question, that I have experienced or I’ve seen other people experience it. When you have … a significant trauma or a crisis in your life, … addiction or … significant illness, and then you spend time getting well, and then you decide you want to give back to the community by helping others get well, do you feel that you have, or have you experienced any … caregiver fatigue or anything like that? When you have to … live your experiences with your clients?
Lori:
That’s a great question. Caregiver fatigue. … I haven’t experienced it yet, but – but I’m new in the recovery coaching field and … I’m newly certified, newly working with clients, and so, right now, I don’t have that now, as the same question a year or five years from now, maybe, but – but ….
Jenn:
Well, things change day to day, Lori.
Lori:
Yes, totally. So, … I find that it’s really empowering, … still struggling, and just to hear their stories of what they’re currently in, and I just know that Hell, that I know it. And so, I can look and go, “Oh, my gosh, I’m so thankful that I’m not in that anymore,” so … it’s almost – so far, it’s done the opposite, … when I hear all these stories, and I get people … e-mailing me, oh, my gosh, … many, many, many a day, telling me their stories that have a little … form just so that our – our calls together are … more and more effective, and I’m just … amazed at this – the things that people are sharing, and I’m just … “Wow, I remember those days.” And so, I – … I find it – it’s really exciting, to … use it as a real point of contrast, where I was and where I am today, and – yeah, have a lot of hope for these people, where they take so much steps to reach out for help with something that has … – … it’s almost – it’s almost cruel to be … alcoholic or drug addict or sex addict or … whatever …. “Woo! It’s like a badge of honor, man!” But … if you don’t do that, if you believe, and I’m just … “You’re some weirdo,” and so – I guess, yeah, I …. … wow, I’m proud of myself, too, … I really am. I know where I’ve come from and it wasn’t easy, and so – yeah.
Jenn:
When I think that – that “attitude of gratitude,” to use a phrase that is often heard in coaching circles, I think that – I would imagine that would really carry you far when you’re helping lift people up from really dark time in their life.
Lori:
For sure. Yup.
Jenn:
So, because you have – multiple time bestselling author, what was different, this time, about writing or publishing your book than the previous times that you wrote?
Lori:
Well, definitely, comes down – coming from the perspective of writing a love letter to one’s ideal reader, well, they’re really cool assignment. So, before we … – as you know, before we even start to write the book, I … – I think it’s six weeks into this three month program that … weeks over, and I … written a boo – written a word in terms of power of the book, and I loved the – the – one of the first writing assignments, was to basically outline who your ideal reader is. And … we wanted to really get into … what’s she wearing? What perfume does she like? What’s she listen to on her iPod? What’s she … Google searching? What’s her – … biggest dream? What’s her biggest nightmare? All these things you – you really create this incredible picture, and oftentimes it’s just simply you … four or five years ago or whenever, …. –
Jenn:
Right!
Lori:
– struggle of your own, that’s what you say, so it’s pretty easy to get connected with that ideal reader, but that was a really fun process, and then, when I actually sat down to … write the book, it just … “Okay. I’m – this is a love letter to this one person.” It’s not … I’ve taken … “One might have this blah blah blah,” … instead of you or she or … generic proposition or whatever.
Jenn:
Right.
Lori:
And – and – and this is definitely is … to this one person. Well, that made it flow … place in my heart. It was so … much easier to access. But I was … – I was really, really helpful, and … was probably the biggest difference, because the other books, they was … – this knowledge that I had and this knowledge that … been effective in other people’s lives, and I want the …, but it wasn’t really – … it wasn’t as connected somehow. So, that was super helpful, and then, when I would feel like I may be a little bit connected … ideal reader, or … – maybe get more technical, … I do, …, I go through a lot of the science behind eating disorders.
Jenn:
I’m sure.
Lori:
So, there is, definitely, some kind of … textbooky kind of thing, … in there, I wanted to put in that’s super helpful, but when I would come and feel my – … my voice getting a little bit off, I would put this altar on my desk and …. It was … an altar to my ideal reader, and so, I had this altar, …. So, it was … a channel, a picture, some other things … and I guess it’s … really client meditation, … what’s missing in this altar? ‘Cause something’s missing, I’m not – … I’m not reaching that place in myself, and so – and what’s … a stuffed animal. It was … “A stuffed animal, what? … totally not a stuffed animal person, … I was never been a kid – really, I think maybe I had a – I don’t know, I don’t remember being a stuffed animal person, but I picked one of my dogs’ toys and … – stuffed dog, and I put it up there, … being gentle. It was … “Oh, yeah, this is … being gentle and being nurturing and being loving and -” … just helped remind me, and so, when I would sit down to write, I would always make sure I had my – a little altar there and – and boy, it’s such a simple tool, but super powerful.
Jenn:
I – I love – I love that story, Lori, because, … so many peop – so many times, people talk about … connecting with their ideal reader and … doing a meditation or whatever, but I love you actually built for yourself a physical reminder of who your ideal reader was, so that you could … immediately tap into that energy whenever you needed it.
Lori:
Yeah, it was really helpful.
Jenn:
Do you still have the altar?
Lori:
No, I do not have the altar. That was … for just writing … stuff. … on my desk, I do have things that I find inspiring, I do a candle a bit, … some good things, I think – that’s something that is – help anyway in your life, but no.
Jenn:
Right.
Lori:
I dismantled the altar.
Jenn:
Well, I think when you’re working with people, like you are, one-on-one or …. over the phone or in person, they … become your altar in some ways, right? You don’t need to be reminded because they’re there in front of you.
Lori:
…. Yes. Yeah, that’s totally valid, for sure.
Jenn:
That makes so much sense. Now, tell us briefly about becoming a certified addiction recovery coach. What does that entail?
Lori:
This is such a neat process. It – I did a lot of research on who are the – … what’s the best coaching? For me, it was thousands of coaching programs out there –
Jenn:
Right!
Lori:
– but really, … addiction – especially … addiction. In the addiction recovery process, … there’s not really that many, and all sort of … being true to you recovery coaching, and it was just a really great group. Again, Adamson is the founder, and it’s a sixteen-modules, so some people might take a year to do and some people … six months, however long you get your … – however much time you dedicate, and … it’s just a lot of … textbook knowledge on – … people … put their lives in their care, it’s not … – … I find it – it’s quite serious, it’s not for … “Oh, I’m gonna coach people on how to … -” not to say there’s anything bad about maybe lighter topic, … how to be a good gardener or something, I don’t know, whatever, ….
Jenn:
….
Lori:
They can die from this stuff, right?
Jenn:
Right.
Lori:
So, I don’t take it lightly. I’m – I know that a lot of people with eating disorders are suicidal, so that – especially people that have struggled a long time, that – … come out very high. So, in the recovery coaching … a lot of how to deal … with situations and what is – what’s the right questions to ask and how to … help people along in their recovery journey and just … support them. So, I – I – I know that people can’t just jump in and be … “Oh, I’ve got the experience behind this one’s gonna go do that,” but I felt – for me, it was just really important that I have that education behind me before I start … knocking …, ‘cause you can mess some instead of helping, if you’re not qualified.
Jenn:
Right. No, …, I – and I think that – that – that’s really important to underscore, when we’re talking about … your topic and your level of expertise, because … – as you know, in the coaching field, there isn’t a governing body, and so … a lot of people wonder, … can you be a coach without being certified? Can you – … and I think, obviously, the answer is “Yes,” you can definitely be a successful and amazing coach without being certified, but when you’re dealing with issues such as addiction, of any form, it makes sense to seek someone out to help you learn how to cope with the things that come up when you’re speaking to someone who’s an ex-addict.
Lori:
Yeah, exactly.
Jenn:
….
Lori:
… ongoing training as well, so we have … call the – … these people, … – some of them have been coaching for twenty years or whatever, and it’s just – might be a – a certain topic, “Okay, we’ll have a client who’s really struggling here and there, and I’ve tried this, that and the other, and I’m not wo – … can the rest of the community pipe in and the suggestions -” so, even … really … when you actually get to sit in on a … recovery coaching and … –
Jenn:
Right!
Lori:
– … never, and so, ….
Jenn:
….
Lori:
– you’re being – we’re being dropped the details so you can use that detail in client calls, … “Oh, yeah, that works for that one person,” … I’ll offer that … tool, so, yeah, … it’s great for not even not … – certified is one thing, but to have the ongoing training is – I think is excellent.
Jenn:
Well, and to be part of a community, … that – a community of people that all have a similar goal, I think, that that is such a – not only is it rewarding, but I think it’s super important. It’s part of the reason why we put authors into cohorts, right? Because when you have other people with you, it makes the experience different.
Lori:
… if it’s different. That’s … my own clients through this Rather than Rehab … coaching, and that’s great. But I just also do – yeah, I love the community and … having some clients to them, some to me, and it’s just … –
Jenn:
Right.
Lori:
– great and it’s looking out nicely, yes.
Jenn:
Well, we’re – we’re starting to get short on time, I can’t believe it, this – this has gone so fast, and I wanted to let everyone listening know how they can get in touch with you if they, themselves, … need to talk to you about a personal addiction, or if they know someone that would really benefit from your coaching? Where’s the best place that people can find you, Lori?
Lori:
Sure. Just my website, it’s just easy. It’s ratherthanrehab.com.
Jenn:
Great.
Lori:
And there’s a contact page, because it’s on there, and I’d also … be happy to send listeners out a copy of my book, and you can just request that on my contact page as well, I can send out a .pdf copy of that, and I’ll send a recovery checklist, so that’s a … – a cheat sheet of, basically, the book condensed into a three-page cheat sheet, which is, I think, a helpful ….
Jenn:
Nice. Oh, fantastic, and I hope everybody heard that! You can get a free copy of Lori’s book and a checklist on her website, ratherthanrehab.com. Lori, whenever I end the show, I always end by asking our authors to put themselves in the shoes of … pretend listener that I just believe is out there. So, I believe that we have someone listening who has had an experience like yours, … a strong experience in their life, and they know they need to share it but they don’t know how. So, what advice would you give to the someone who’s listening right now, for how to get started sharing their story?
Lori:
Well, first off, just really know … it’s never easy, … that’s just … the fact of it, so it’s going to be hard and it’s gonna be scary and … that’s just a caveat, but I – I’m available … me it’s like a soft landing in a way, and I can walk people through that … might bring it, so their mom or their dad or their – or their husband, or their ki – … whomever they’re gonna need to bring it to next. Or … I suggest to clients that haven’t shared it with anybody yet is to really get quiet, because there’s somebody that’s already – I believe already prepared to hear their story in their circle of influence, for – so get really quiet and just see what comes to mind, and I think somebody … that you may … seen in a few years, … “What? Why is that person coming into my mind?” ….
Jenn:
Right!
Lori:
Just get with it, get quiet with it, and then make sure that they’re somebody you – … there’s someone – things … got with these, ‘cause this is your story to tell and not theirs, so just make sure it’s a safe person, somebody you could trust, and then just – just literally share it, … “This is what’s happening, I need some help, and can you walk with me?” And it might be that they walk with them for two days and … walk with them for two years, … situation. The other thing is to just talk online, and there’s EDA groups, which is Eating Disorders Anonymous.
Jenn:
Oh. Right.
Lori:
… major cities, and … that’s just a great resource for – … I think it’s for early recovery, I don’t subscribe to being … “Hi, I’m Lori, I’m an alcoholic for … for thirty years of my life,” ….
Jenn:
Right!
Lori:
I think there is freedom from … when we don’t have to keep … really labeling ourselves, so I’m not a big fan of … being in EDA for twenty years, but it’s a great …, there are people … – they’re walking through your same journey are there, and – and those are really, really helpful, too.
Jenn:
Such great advice, Lori. Rather than Rehab: Quit Bulimia & Upgrade Your Life. Go on to Amazon to download it now or to pre-order the print copies, or go to ratherthanrehab.com and get a free copy from Lori now, so you can get working to so – help solve some of these problems in your life. Lori, thank you so much for joining me on the show today, this has been a real pleasure.
Lori:
Thank you Jenn. The pleasure is totally mine, thank you.
Jenn:
And join me next week on another episode of Book Journeys Radio.