Book Journeys Author Interview – Jan. 19, 2017
Jenn McRobbie with Jodi Jensen-Schuelke, author of I Just Want Out: Seven Careful Steps Leaving Your Emotionally Abusive Husband and Relationship Detox: 7 Steps to Preparing for Your Ideal Relationship.
”Step towards those dreams, versus letting the naysayers, outside or in your head, stop you.” ~Jodi Jensen-Schuelke
Jenn:
Well, hello, everybody! Welcome to Book Journeys Radio! Every week on Book Journeys Radio we talk to accomplished authors who’ve gone from just having an idea for a book to a finished book and ready to make a difference in the world. Now, today is actually one of my favorite type of days … interview authors, because we just had a book launch, and we launched thirteen books into the world, and in fact my guest today just launched her second book out into the world with us today. So, I’m really excited for her to tell you all what it’s like to be a two-time bestselling author, to be coming fresh off of a red carpet launch with the Author Incubator, and how she is leveraging that to make a difference in the world. So, please join me in welcoming Jodi Schuelke herself!
Jodi:
Hi, there. Thanks for having me.
Jenn:
So glad you could join us, now, the people listening don’t know this, but Jodi and I are actually in the same room right now, and … this usually happens on Book Journeys Radio, so if the sound’s weird, or it sounds like we’re having an actual conversation, it’s because we are!
Jodi:
Right.
Jenn:
So, Jodi wrote two books, and I’ll just tell them a little bit at first. The first book was called I Just Want Out: Seven Careful Steps Leaving Your Emotionally Abusive Husband, and that was published in March of 2016 and now is going to bookstores in June of 2017.
Jodi:
Right.
Jenn:
Super exciting, and the second book, which launched today, is called Relationship Detox: 7 Steps to Preparing for Your Ideal Relationship.
Jodi:
Right.
Jenn:
So, I always ask authors to tell our listeners … who their book is for. So, are your books meant for the same person, or are they for different audiences?
Jodi:
They’re a little bit different in audience. The first book I just … out is really intended for women who are finding themselves in an emotionally abusive marriage and they’re at that point where they know if they – they need to get out of it, they need to step out of that unhealthy, toxic relationship, not only for themselves but primarily for their kids, because they don’t wanna give – … they want their children to have a better future. And unfortunately, … i – it – it’s hard to break – … to make that decision, very hard, but there is a point where i – it’s just become more like life or death, per se, in case of the children’s future and what’s in their best interests in that, so they can still maintain a healthy relationship with their father, but a lot of times it’s better if the parents are not together anymore so that, when they are with the mom, they have a more stable, healthful – they’re – a stable atmosphere to be living in.
Jenn:
Right!
Jodi:
So, there’s not always this toxic environment.
Jenn:
Right. Now, what about Relationship Detox?
Jodi:
Okay. So, Relationship Detox is for women who have been dating for awhile, but they are finding themselves – … they’re running up against these roadblocks, so they’re meeting the same type of guy. Whether it’s a commitment fault, maybe it’s somebody who has an addiction issue, narcissist, the playboy type, ….
Jenn:
Right.
Jodi:
And … they’re just … , “Okay, I’m really getting tired of -” … they’re noticing these repeats of, “Okay, same guy, different face, … a little bit different, …,” and they want to really change things. They – they actually wanna find their ideal relationship because they want to get married again, down the road, or get married, if they haven’t been married yet. And – so, this book is really intended for those women who want to clear the path and … start fresh? And it’s better – this book – one of the things women don’t like to hear is that, … in order to really figure out – … clear the path to figure out what you want, you have to stop doing what you are doing, right?
Jenn:
Oh, yeah.
Jodi:
So, it – one of the requirements, in my relationship detox program, is that they do need to take a hiatus for awhile from dating. … I recommend eight to twelve weeks, and that gives us a chance to really work on having – … helping them get in touch with themselves again?
Jenn:
Yes.
Jodi:
So – because, how can you meet your ideal partner if you don’t even know who you are.
Jenn:
Right!
Jodi:
And the other thing that I found, too, with women is that – especially if they’ve been dating for awhile, is that they tend to … – they tend to realize that they fall into this place where they’re spending more time trying to get this man to like them … them! And, … it’s …, “Ooh, how – what can I do,” or “How can I act or behave or things I can say, or how can I dress?” It’ll get …. And truly, that’s not the way that it works.
Jenn:
Right! ‘Cause then you start acting out of character.
Jodi:
Right. And then, he’s wondering, “Who is this woman? That’s not who I met -” Right.
Jenn:
Two months, two years ago.
Jodi:
Right.
Jenn:
And it’s not, you’ve changed yourself to try to satisfy what you believe he’s expecting.
Jodi:
Right. Exactly. And, in truth, … – I meant – I wrote this in the book, too, that, in nature, it’s typically the female who is deciding who the partner is …. Right?
Jenn:
Yeah! That’s right! Girl power!
Jodi:
So, that being said, if I help my readers and my clients really identify that within themselves, that they have a choice, and they’re the ones that really need to be the ones deciding, is this person that I’m meeting, do they fit with what I truly, really want for myself and my future? Because you can’t have an ideal relationship if it’s … – it’s more fault, … “Oh, yeah, I like fishing,” and you don’t like fishing, or … something like, “Yeah -” …. You’re not an outdoorsy person, do you want to be with someone who’s outdoorsy? I know people think sometimes …, “Oh, … it’s the yin and yang, … we … offset each other,” and I agree that there’s an extent to that, but there are many times – and I’ve seen this in many marriages, longer-term marriages where, when you were younger, your interests were, maybe, similar, but as you grow older, they can … separate a little and not be the same. And while that’s okay, it – in the case where … you’re in the thirties, forties, fifties, do you wanna be … – I don’t know. The way that I look at it is that, it feels better, and it feels like you’re not wasting time if you find a partner who is more in alignment with what you want for yourself and your future, your goals and dreams.
Jenn:
Right now!
Jodi:
Ex – exactly, right now.
Jenn:
Yeah, and then you can deal with whatever comes later, because you’ve established this groundwork, … –
Jodi:
Right.
Jenn:
– from the right now.
Jodi:
Absolutely.
Jenn:
Yeah, that makes so much sense. So, these topics … obviously very personal. Did you come to them through personal experience? Through your clients, … why did you decide to write a book about relationships?
Jodi:
Well, both of the books are based on my personal experience. I Just Want Out was my story about leaving my first marriage, and … the – the steps that I went through to get myself and my two boys out of there safely and swiftly, as well as being smart about it.
Jenn:
Wow.
Jodi:
So, it was a lot of strategic planning and such. Now, I know that book … makes some people uncomfortable, … “Oh, well, oh, my gosh!,” …. But there is a – there is an audience – there’s definitely an audience and a need for it, because we hear about domestic violence, people think that it’s always physical violence, and it’s not, it’s the emotional and verbal abuse, and it’s not fair for yourself or your kids to have to endure that long-term.
Jenn:
Right.
Jodi:
And when you know better, then you do better.
Jenn:
Yes.
Jodi:
So – and with the Relationships Detox, yes, that was also bridged from my personal experience. About ten years after my divorce – i – it … covered that span of those ten years after my divorce, … when I was dating and trying to … find .. the things – or the guy that I was looking for, and during that time, I – … I personally had to heal a lot from my first marriage.
Jenn:
Of course.
Jodi:
But at the same time, that … – it’s not just intended for people who were in an emotionally abusive relationship.
Jenn:
Okay, that is my next question, is it just for someone – … what if you’re – it’s not … you’re being abused or anything, but you st – just feel stuff.
Jodi:
Yes. Definitely feeling stuff or for whatever reason, it – especially if you’ve dated a lot or felt like, “Aw,” you just had one failure after the other with relationships not working out.
Jenn:
Right.
Jodi:
Is that, you can start to feel bad about yourself, and things that, maybe, you’re not worthy, or there’s something wrong with you.
Jenn:
Right!
Jodi:
And … that’s where I … circle back to … getting to know yourself, and even – … again, even if there was no emotional abuse in your past marriage, your past relationships, taking the time to get to know who you are will help you figure out how to move forward better, and how to make … choices that fit better with who you are and what you want.
Jenn:
I love that idea, because there were so many times when I – .. I, personally, if I had a rash of bad dating experiences, or bad relationships, and I would think to myself, “Jenn, what’s the one consistent factor here?” And then, I would think it’s me. And then you – putting that on repeat, “It’s me,” “It’s me,” “I’m the reason these aren’t working out.”
Jodi:
Right. Yes.
Jenn:
And what you’re saying is, that’s not necessarily the case.
Jodi:
Correct. Correct. And one of the things I also do, which is really key, is, I help my – the reader and the clients … I – I look at – we look at their past relationship history, and that can be a little – some people …, some people, “I really don’t wanna go there.”
Jenn:
Right!:
Jodi:
In truth, that helps us … lay out and look at … what have they been experiencing, what – what are the types of people that they’ve been with, and identifying those patterns. But at the same time, it’s not just looking for the bad guy, it’s also looking for the good, like, “What qualities or characteristics did … Joe have, that I liked?” “Well, things that I learned from Jeff,” or … whoever it was.
Jenn:
Whoever, right.
Jodi:
Yes. And … that … helps you identify, … “Oh! Okay, well, maybe this – … these qualities are things that I would like in a future partner.” Because even the bad relationships have good to them. It’s about –
Jenn:
Right! A good way to look more positively at our past relationship history.
Jodi:
Yes.
Jenn:
I like that idea very much!
Jodi:
Absolutely, … yes. Right
Jenn:
Use it as a learning experience, as opposed to what not to do, ….
Jodi:
Exactly.
Jenn:
So, you are a relationship and a life coach, so, obviously, you talk about these things to your clients pretty much on a daily basis. How has having written, and now published, two books changed your business?
Jodi:
Well, what it – first, and foremost, writing a book has really just expanded the awareness about me and what I do and how I help women, and – and the whole relationship spectrum, whether it’s … – my – my son and his girlfriend having issues or something, and they’re … at me to – … there can be … my children, it can be friends, family, et cetera, so – … yes. What I’ve been doing, the work I’ve been doing has really become more – … it’s more out there, and people are … “Oh! Okay. So, I don’t just have to come to, if I have an issue with – … I think I wanna get a divorce.” … no, if you’re in a marriage, and you’re struggling with things, I help people on that other end of the spectrum as well, so it’s that whole bridge.
Jenn:
Yes. So, you can help people get out, but you can also help them make it better.
Jodi:
Exactly. Exactly.
Jenn:
Right. And I think that’s really the key to relationships, isn’t it? Finding out or discovering whether it’s time to sever a relationship or whether it’s worth … more effort.
Jodi:
Correct. Correct. Because, sometimes, just … – if it’s a longer-term relationship, you just … get to that point where, maybe, you’re … “Oh!” Especially … the kids have – are grown and are gone.
Jenn:
Right.
Jodi:
Now, you’re … – you’re starting over! … “Oh, now, we’re a couple again, and how do we do that?” So . . . .
Jenn:
Right. Is it hard – because, … I just want out with – super personal. So, is it hard, sometimes, meeting a new client and knowing that they know such personal things about you? Because you’ve put that out into the world, …! Right?
Jodi:
Right. Right. I know. I – it – actually, it’s not. I – when I was writing it – writing that first book, it was – … I was going through this amazing transformation process of … stepping out from behind a curtain, … I was done hiding that part of my life. ….
Jenn:
Wow.
Jodi:
There was a small circle of people that knew the – the details, right? And this was … “You know what? I’m done hiding that,” and I want to use my experience and story to help other women, because … I wanna pay it forward to them. They deserve to have somebody there, because I didn’t. I had to figure it out, and it took me a long time to figure out, but when I did, it was … “All right, let’s do this!” So, as far as the personal side of it, no, I – it was a little scary at first, but I have really come to step into that power and feel … “You know what? I have to share this, about myself in order to help other people better.” And – …. And if you don’t share your personal stories, how are people going to get to know you and trust you?
Jenn:
Right!
Jodi:
And that’s really key, so – yes, I – … share … the other stories …, but well worth it and I have – I have no regrets, and – even with my second book, too, that had to do – I didn’t go into as much detail about my personal situation, but at the same time, I do talk in my introduction about what brought me to writing the book. And … after my divorce I did – I ended up in a rebound relationship, long-term one, and it was one of those tumultuous ones where – i – it was after a point, I’m … “What is going on here?”
Jenn:
What have I done? What has happened?
Jodi:
Right. And then, when that relationship just ended, it felt like I went through … another divorce.
Jenn:
Wow.
Jodi:
And – … so – again, that’s also a painful thing. A lot of people – I guess when you look at a lot of relationship experts like ….
Jenn:
Yes! … yeah!
Jodi:
They’ll tell you … after divorce, … “You shouldn’t date anyone right away,” and all those other stuff. … and if you do – it’s … you don’t – … think about when you go to the dentist, you don’t wanna tell the hygienist that you don’t floss fifty times a day?
Jenn:
Right!
Jodi:
So, you don’t wanna tell people … “Oh, yeah, I got in a re – rebound relationship in this part,” right?
Jenn:
Right!
Jodi:
So, anyways. So, that’s … the things that … when you realize you’re in it, it’s … a shameful thing, or people look – you think that they’re looking down on me. Or, I’ll tell you, if you go to therapy, … “Oh, yes, I’m in a rebound relationship,” you may … eyebrows, so –
Jenn:
Right.
Jodi:
… so, that was – … yeah, that was also a shameful thing for me, but at the same time, … sharing that story and letting other women know that it’s okay.
Jenn:
Yes.
Jodi:
We – we are learning from our experiences and, again, when we know better, we do better.
Jenn:
Right!
Jodi:
So.
Jenn:
Well, there is a lot of shame, particularly for women, around relationships not working.
Jodi:
Oh, yes. Definitely.
Jenn:
And – and that’s just silly, because not every relationship can work!
Jodi:
Exactly. Exactly.
Jenn:
That just makes no sense.
Jodi:
Right.
Jenn:
Let’s switch gears … with it, because we have a unique opportunity here to tell the listeners about what it’s like to be on a red carpet launch of that, at the author capital.
Jodi:
Okay.
Jenn:
So, explain how it feels to be standing in front of the camera with Angela, knowing that you launched your book this morning and it’s already a bestseller.
Jodi:
Right. Oh.
Jenn:
What does that feel like?
Jodi:
It – it feels fabulous, absolutely. Y – having gone it – through it twice – as the first time, it was – I felt numb, and … “My God, this is so amazing,” … you feel your body again, … you’re going through another transformation, right?
Jenn:
Yes!
Jodi:
… stepping out, especially during the red carpet event, you’re on camera and you are live. And it’s your family, friends, strangers, you name it, … watching you! You can’t see them, but you know that they’re out there. And the same with the second book, … I felt – I felt much more calm –
Jenn:
Yeah.
Jodi:
– because I knew what to expect, but it feels fabulous. It really does, and to be a part of this – I’m gonna call it a family, … that you’ve got all these other authors and coaches and consultants and you name it, and even the staff of the Author Incubator, which – everyone is here to support you.
Jenn:
Yes.
Jodi:
And I’ve always felt … this is … my safety net, in a lot of ways, …?
Jenn:
Right.
Jodi:
I got a question or a problem or I – … running into a roadblock, I have the resources here to tap into. So, I’m not just going at it blindly.
Jenn:
I’m so glad – I’m so glad you feel that way because, I think, sometimes, when people see … our videos, see the red carpet launch, they think, “Oh, it’s all the glitz and glamor,” but really, behind it all, we’re jumping up and down with our … hands and fists in the air, congratulating each other for amazing interviews.
Jodi:
Yes.
Jenn:
And we’re trading … shouts downstairs, “You’re number one in another category!” It’s such an – a rewarding thing to be a part of, whether you’re part of the staff like me or as an author.
Jodi:
Yes. Right. And I’ve been … working with the Author Incubator now for two books. It’s been over a year?
Jenn:
Yup.
Jodi:
And – yes, so – a – and that – it – it is really nice, and I ch – and I really – for people who are … “Oh, I just don’t know if I should do this yet” – … personally, it’s … don’t wait!
Jenn:
Yes.
Jodi:
…. If this is – if ev – these books were – have been inside of me, churning for awhile, and I just said, “Darn it, I’m gonna do it, I’m putting myself out there,” and I invested in myself, and by doing that, … – it’s not just about the book, it’s about the whole change that I’ve gone through as a person and professionally, and how I’m better able to help my clients, too, because I am – that future self, …? The person that … a few years ago, I was … “Oh, I wonder what it would be like to be this type of person?” And now, here I am! …. And – so that’s been awesome.
Jenn:
So, if someone’s listening, and they’re thinking to themselves, “I want to be that future person.” What’s one piece of advice you could give them to drive them in that direction? How do they start preparing to be their future self?
Jodi:
Really, you just en – starting out with … envisioning it. And not being afraid to envision yourself in a different, better place, or – or whatnot. I – yeah, I think that’s the core. And don’t be afraid to – … if you – sometimes, with friends or family, you share some of your dreams, sometimes they’ll … “Oh. Okay.”
Jenn:
That’s weird.
Jodi:
Or … that seems a little – yeah, weirder, “That seems really big, I don’t know.” And you have to … not fall – I guess, prey to that feedback, right?
Jenn:
Right!
Jodi:
And just trump that you – … this is something you want, it’s a dream of yours and you can make that dream come true. So, yeah.
Jenn:
That’s such good advice, I love that! Because I think so many times, they sit there and either listen to the naysayers or the naysayers in our head.
Jodi:
Right.
Jenn:
And we just end up never even shooting for those goals. Did you envision yourself as an author before you became one?
Jodi:
I did. I did not envision myself with – on the red carpet part, because when I – when I discovered Angela and the Author Incubator, they didn’t have the big red – red carpet event yet.
Jenn:
Right.
Jodi:
But I did envision writing a book, and I … had different dreams, works – daydreams or even just wake up in the middle of the night, … “Oh, my gosh. … I’m going to be doing that!” I’m gonna be writing a book at some point in my life, it was just really amazing. So, yeah, definitely … yourself, step towards those dreams, and not … – just going for it, versus letting the naysayers, outside or in your head, stop you.
Jenn:
Yes, so, Jodi knows about relationships and being a human. Obviously, you’re getting such really good advice, everyone, no matter what you wanna do. Obviously, you’re on Book Journeys Radio, we hope you’re thinking about writing a book and we hope you’re thinking about writing it with us, because we love meeting new people with new ideas, but that kind of advice is good for everything in your life.
Jodi:
Absolutely.
Jenn:
Really. So, today, Jodi’s second book, Relationship Detox, is available, free, on amazon.com. And so, you can download that now, and I would recommend you do it now, if you’re listening to this. You can go onto Amazon, just search “relationship detox,” there’s a beautiful woman in a red dress on the cover, which is really awesome because Jodi is sitting in front of me right now in a red dress. So, I get a lot of credit and points for talking about beautiful ladies in red dresses. Or you can search for Jodi’s name, but her last name, Schuelke, is a little difficult to spell, so Jodi, I’m gonna have you spell your name and website address so that people can find you.
Jodi:
Okay. Okay. Great. So, you can search for me on Amazon, Jodi Schuelke, it is s-c-h-u-e-l-k-e, and my website, where you can actually also have access to a free training video that I did, that is relationshipdetox-book.com. Again, relationshipdetox-book.com.
Jenn:
That’s right, you can go there and Jodi has a training video for the seven steps of her Forward Framework process, which you talk about in the book, right?
Jodi:
Yup. Yes. Yes.
Jenn:
So, how did you come up with this framework process that you put together for the second book?
Jodi:
Well, my back – my corporate America background is teaching, training change management, also process improvement and things like that, so what I found is – and I like – this is a lot of fun for me, is, I will come up with an acronym, and I did it in my first book, which was the Freedom Framework, and the second book being the Forward Framework. And so, there are seven steps in each of those that will take you through each of the areas that it’s focusing on. And i – i – again, I like the step process, it’s … – there’s an organization to it, for me.
Jenn:
Right!
Jodi:
And instead of feeling, “Oh, well, what was that again?” …. Well, let’s go back to the … step R.
Jenn:
Right, well, with relationships, though, it can feel very chaotic.
Jodi;
Yup. Yes, yes.
Jenn:
And so, it … makes sense to introduce some organization so you’ll –
Jodi:
Right.
Jenn:
How to prepare your thoughts, prepare yourself, whether you’re getting out or going into a relationship.
Jodi:
Right. Correct. Absolutely. Absolutely.
Jenn:
Well, our time is drawing to a close, and I’m trying to bummed about that. I’m – but I’m only … bummed, listeners, because we’re actually gonna go and … celebrate with champagne with the book launch, so I’m only a little bad. But you can find Jodi at jodischuelke.com, or you can find her new book at relationshipdetox-book.com, and that dash is actually the physical dash, not written out, so you can try that more. Or, if you come back to Book Journeys Radio, you’ll get book link straight to Jodi and our interview here, so that you can listen to her amazing advice over and over again.
Jodi:
Thank you.
Jenn:
Jodi, I am so glad we got to do this in person, because it’s super fun.
Jodi:
Me, too. Me, too. This has been great.
Jenn:
Great! Thank you so much and join us next week for another episode of Book Journeys Radio.