Broke My Vision Board.

April 21, 2014

I just watched this Vision Board video I made 6 ½ years ago – and I realized how much of personal growth work is just silly!

What the Hell am I talking about in this video?! I don’t want any of this stuff!!!

Watch (you need to be logged into Facebook): https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=533795527374&set=vb.5311726&type=2&theater&viewas=775397717

I want to parasail? Really? I want to be perfect? Come on!

visionvideo
I mean I know, I know…. When we know better we do better…. But the things I thought I would want 6 ½ years ago are so different than the reality. I clearly did NOT know myself terribly well.

I tried (and hated) most of the stuff in this video (rollercoaster, cart wheels, triathlons) and honestly, not my bag. I kinda wanna sit home and drink red wine and read or watch Benedict Cumberbatch light up my TV screen. That’s what I was doing 6 ½ years ago, surely, but it just didn’t feel like a good enough I guess, so I aimed high.

“Imaginary Me” was off riding the rapids and whooping it up on roller coasters while boring old regular me was doing some fortified couch sitting.

The difference with my couch sitting today is that today I don’t wish I was someone who was off conquering the out-of-doors, I’m just happy to sit my ass down for a minute.

  • Today, I don’t wish I was perfect – I know this jacked-up insanity is as good as it gets. This is what perfect looks like.
  • Today, I don’t want to have another kid, because I don’t have one and I know I can support normal birth perfectly well without ever having another one.
  • Today, I’m writing this blog post at 1am and my 8-year-old is awake and playing Minecraft and I’m actually fine with that.
  • Today, I can want things without feeling like a failure for not having them.
    • A child that sleeps 12 hours a night.
    • A boyfriend who shares my nationality.
    • That friendship I lost.
    • A car with working headlights.
    • Unlimited air miles.

I don’t have to fix any of that and everything can still be perfect. It would be sorta Stepford-Wives-y otherwise, right? I don’t want that kinda perfect. I want this kind of perfect – the wonky, you never know what’s gonna happen next and it might not be good – sort.

You know how you look back at pictures of yourself when you were younger and you know at the time you felt so fat – but when you look at the pictures now you look so thin you just want to go back and shake that girl and tell her she looks great? It’s kinda like that.

Maybe… just maybe… what I want, is what I already have. It was true 6 ½ years ago…. I bet it’s true now too.

I am now, and kinda always have been much more into sitting around drinking wine, clipping magazines and plotting my future than para sailing and wearing bikinis.

I don’t know, maybe I’ll make a vision board about making vision boards. Wanna come over? Or is that too Meta?

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