Alina Frank – Book Journeys Interview Transcript – Feb. 25, 2016

Book Journeys Author Interview – Feb. 25, 2016

Dr. Angela Lauria with Alina Frank, author of How to Want Sex Again

 

Hold the vision that you are the person that’s meant to write this book. ~Alina Frank

 

Angela:

Well, hey everybody. We are back at Book Journeys Radio. Every week on the show, we talk to another author about their journey from idea to best-selling book. Uhm, we have a special treat for you guys this week. I’m really excited to talk to Alina Frank. She is an EFT Tapping Coach and master trainer and, more importantly for this show, she is the author of How to Want Sex Again. Alina, thank you so much for being on the show!

 

Alina:

Thank you, it’s my pleasure!

 

Angela:

Awesome! So, let’s get started by… I – I think that your title is sort of self-explanatory. We’re pushing the envelope here today, but tell people what the book is about and who it’s for.

 

Alina:

Yeah, the book is really for any woman that finds herself really struggling in the area of intimacy – physical intimacy and in – especially in their romantic relationships, uhm, and it just encompasses so much and we really went in our busy lives and with all of our responsibilities as women of a certain age, it kinda goes on the back-burner and sometimes we don’t realize it’s gone until something like the cosmic two-by-four hits us, and the… With the help of… Women go through the process of healing themselves and finding ways to overcome this challenge that it’s just so pervasive.

 

Angela:

So, did you know that this was, uhm, the topic that you were gonna write about? Obviously, you’re a long-time EFT trainer with lots of experience in different issues, how did this become the topic for your book?

 

Alina:

Yeah, this… The topic of this… it’s bec- It’s really because it became personal for me. Like it was something that I had struggled with, but, you know, it was the… it was the big bad trade secret under the carpet that I didn’t wanna face or realize was happening to me. Uhm, I was in a sexless relationship for ten years and then I started getting clients that would talk to me about this over and over and over again, and friends who were openly talking about this, and I felt really uncomfortable because, you know, as coaches and people in personal development and are into spirituality, we really want to live authentic lives and here I was out there, and this was something that I really struggled with and it just started showing up again and again and again and again… and then another thing – the perfect storm of all of this – was that also my kids were about to enter adolescence and talking to them openly about sex, and, I really couldn’t come from a very truthful place and that really made me feel uncomfortable. So, I set out to work through this myself, and with the experience that I had working with this with my clients, uhm, I was able to resolve it for myself and really on the other side, you look back and there’s so many things that it affects in your life, that you – you just don’t realize how… how bad it was  until you… you’re happy on the other side and realize, boy, it was like a dimmer switch went on and had turned down all the juice and the vitality and the… the colorfulness of the world, and you… we… you know, we just… we don’t think about it that way, but, I think being fully sexual is uhm, is an amazing gift that we have to experience as human beings and… and this… there’s just so much in there for us to experience – why not? Uhm, so, in a nutshell that’s – that’s what happened and that’s how I got involved in it and – and I had really overcome a lot of my fears, uh, about putting that out there and being known as, kind of, the sex expert…

 

Angela:

Yeah, let’s talk about that. So this is very personal and your personal story comes up in the book, so, how did you… how did you get your head around that or how did you decide, uhm, that that was the right thing for you?

 

Alina:

Yeah. I think… how I just… approached it and really, with your help of really getting my head around who I wanted to address… I am not the person swinging from chandeliers in Vegas, you know, doing the… summit or whatever. That’s not me! [laughs] That’s not going to be me and I felt that I needed to feel comfortable enough to share this to the – for the average woman and not from that other place. And so, just going back and looking at my upbringing and the challenges I had, you know, growing up Catholic, growing up Latina – all these things, we shouldn’t be talking about them, and I just thought, “Well, somebody’s gotta talk to these women that feel exactly the way that I do. And so, you know, we have tools, we have friends, and we have support and, in your program, we have a team, so I had a lot of support in them and getting through that and, uhm, yeah, so now I’m thrilled that I did. I’m really happy that I did.

 

Angela:

So, if somebody else is going through this – they have a personal story they wanna tell and they want to help people but they’re also maybe afraid of being seen or how people will perceive them after they write their book, is there anything that you wish you knew, you wish someone told you before you wrote your book?

 

Alina:

Yeah, definitely. I mean, you… When you have the idea… when it comes to you… like it did several times for me in like in the middle of the night, or, I’d be in a meditation and I’d feel the book coming and making it’s presence known to me… and, uhm, in journaling, it would come up and then thinking about what are my long-term plans and the book would show up there and… that sort of thing happens to you, uhm, you really are like, okay so let’s explore this. At some point, you take it more seriously, you make a call or two, you start to pursue it but what you really don’t know is how incredible it is once it’s actually done and you just don’t know that until it’s in your hand and when you see it go live and when you start to hear from people that you’ve affected with your work and getting it out there in a much bigger arena having people send you letters and cards and thank yous and I’ve just been moved to tears by some of the things that I’ve gotten from readers. So, you don’t… You don’t expect that. You sort of think, “It’s my personal journey. Yes, it’s a part of me and I need to get this out in the world, but it’s all about me and my process and I’m just here to say you’re helping so many people. You just need to know that. You’re gonna be reaching masses and just the right people are gonna find your book in some magical way and they’ll say, ‘My gosh, you were speaking directly to me,’ and uhm, there’s a magic to that you’re just not aware of when you’re in that process or at the beginning.”

 

Angela:

So let’s talk about some of your favorite moments. What are some of the best things that have happened to you as an author? Conversations you’ve had? Opportunities that you’ve had? Uhm, what’s some of the best stuff that’s happened to you since your book was published?

 

Alina:

Yeah, so I’ve had a number of co-… People just show up and say, “I’m ready to work with you,” and there was no… They didn’t even book a counsel with me. They just come. They say, “That’s it. I know that you’re the person that I wanna work with and I don’t even need to have a conversation with you, let’s just book when you’re available.” So, that’s kind of fun, when that happens.

 

Angela:

Mmm hmmm.

 

Alina:

Uhm, and then, some other fun things… I’ve had a number of people call me or email me from different countries that want to possibly think about, uhm, they wanna know if this was gonna come out in another language. So that’s interesting.

 

Angela:

Foreign rights, I love it. That’s awesome!

 

Alina:

Uhm, I’ve had a few speaking engagements already through this and there’s a conference in Belgium that wants me to go and speak, uhm, next year, uh, no, later this year, I think. They want me to go over and speak and so those are kind of the fun things that have happened and I just expect them to happen pretty frequently because the book just actually… It was out as an ebook in November and it’s just gone to print as a paperback and I already can feel that that’s gonna even take it just a step higher that I’m already… comments and book signing parties and… The place where I work happens to be a… where I went to that… a small office space… and they’ve already asked me, okay, so… “What are we gonna do for when your book comes out and… So it’s over-exciting. I just know that so much more is gonna happen but those are some of the fun things and some of this… and the synchronicities that have happened, uhm, just, you know, sitting next to someone on the plane and they’ll say, you know… or talking to me about relationships and I’ll say, “Well, I just wrote a book about…” and they’ll just look at me wide-eyed like, “Really, that’s exactly what’s going on in my life!” So, and I just directly send them to the book.

 

Angela:

I love it! That is so… and it’s so funny how, like, those people, like you just end up sitting right next to the right people and having the right conversations, but when you have a book, it just makes it so simple to explain what you do especially with a title like yours, it just sort of, they’re… Okay, we’re gonna go deep, we’re not gonna make the rounds in this flight.

 

Alina:

Yeah, absolutely. You know, I think that there isn’t anything, you know, I teach marketing, so I… to my students, and I have to say this is just one of the best tools out there for really establishing yourself as an expert in some particular area. There’s something about a book. There’s just something about it that… people…

 

Angela:

Mmm hmm, totally. So, have other ideas for a book come to you since your book has come out. Do you think this the first of many or do you think this is kinda like a one shot deal?

 

Alina:

Uhm, well, funny that you should say that. I was talking to a good family friend who is a… very gifted, intuitive, and she said to me, “Yesh, this is… Just get ready ’cause this isn’t the last. This is just the first of more and, you know, I… If you had said that to me or if she had said that to me before this one, I woulda said, “You’re outta your mind. It’s hard enough for me to, uh, you know, get the first one done,” uhm, but, I have to tell you, you really… you’ve got this amazing system in place, so that one you say, yes, it is easier than you ever did it on your own before and all the attempts before and there is a step-by-step very clear process and, uhm, I mean, I’ve heard you say many times, “This is happening! This is going to get done!” And. uh, and so, yeah. It did! So then the possibility of doing it again, having more, is uhm, is not as overwhelming, for sure and definitely a possibility.

 

Angela:

So let’s talk a little bit about, uhm, the past experiences you had writing a book or trying to write a book. Was this the first time you tried to write or had you tried before?

 

Alina:

So, I had tried to write before. It just was many different ways of attempting to start – get it started – you know, that were… we’re just at the end of February. I know everybody at the beginning of the year starts with these new year resolutions. I… two-three years… One of my things on my list was, “This is the year it’s getting done,” you know? [laughs] And uh…

 

Angela:

So, why do you think it was different this time? Why do you think you finished? What do you think is different in all- ’cause I think when people make themselves that promise, and maybe if you go back there and remember when you made yourself that promise, it really feels real, like it doesn’t feel like 2012 might be the year I’d write a book, you’re like, “Absolutely!” Like, “2012, this is the year, and then all of a sudden it’s 2013 and you haven’t done it.”

 

Alina:

[laughs] So, why do you think that… so why I think that…

 

Angela:

Yeah, why do you think this time, this promise came through whereas other times, you’d promise yourself and it didn’t?

 

Alina:

Yeah, because I think that you… You know, when you say, “I’m gonna write a book,” that’s a personal declaration that you are going to do this and you really don’t think in terms of a lot of help. You think in terms of, “I’ve got to just write this out, nose to the grindstone, make sure that I have nothing going on or maybe take a sabbatical in Bali for six months and then… Of course that doesn’t happen.

 

Angela:

The ole sabbatical in Bali. We’ve all got that in our to-do list. That time when I have 4-weeks a year with nothing else going on and just the blue ocean and me and my computer.

 

Alina:

Exactly, and… and that doesn’t happen. What ends up happening is that you… you just feel kind of guilty that you’ve made yourself that promise and there’s some shame that you’d committed to doing it and you haven’t done it and you sheepishly tell people, “Yeah, there’s a book on its way,” and… but when you have the sort of support that you provide and you know real solid… people holding your hand and saying, “You can do this. Here is step one and this is what we need. Let’s get through it,” and “What can I do to help you through this? What questions you have that we can answer?” and “You have the experience to know Step 1, Step 2, Step 3,” uhm, then it’s pretty… It’s pretty simple to follow a process. You know, you gotta put some time into it. But even that, you have some great suggestions for how to make that space – how to open up that space in your life when you think it’s impossible to do so.

 

Angela:

How much of an influence do you think that making investments… I know you’ve made a couple of significant investments in your book… How much do you think making those investments increased the likelihood of you finishing?

 

Alina:

Yeah. Well, I think that it absolutely does. I mean we know that in, uhm, in the coaching world, that when you don’t have any skin in it, then it’s not likely to happen. I tell my students that, you know, the clients that come to you, and they say, “I’ve been saving for a year to work with you.” Uhm, and, you know that they have. You know that they just don’t have that money laying around. Those are gonna be your best clients ever! They’re always gonna do their homework. They’re gonna come to you; they’re ready; they know it’s gonna happen; they’re excited for the change that they’ve just made a solid investment in, versus, you know, uhm… early on, I don’t allow this anymore, but early on, someone will say, “You know, I just like… I just like my husband to work with you. I’m gonna pay – I’m gonna gift him a session. [laughter]

 

Angela:

Well, it seems like a good idea!

 

Alina:

Right. But when you go to a hair salon or a hair studio, like they have gift certificates. It’s like, it’s seems like it’s similar business, but yeah, they’re gifting a session is a big no.

 

Angela:

Right.

 

Alina:

So, when I said, this is the money that I’m gonna invest in this, uhm, yeah, it was like… I took a deep breath and I said, “Okay, this is what it’s gonna take,” uhm, for me to feel like it’s- it’s happening and I know that the uh, what I’m gonna get out of it is so much more, uhm, and not just that I have a book at the end of the process but that I… that I would, like I said, have really good support along the way and, uhm, yeah, and… and… yeah, I mean, definitely. When you’re… When you… invest – make a large investment, then you know it’s gonna happen. Just a knowing – real knowing.

 

Angela:

Yeah. Did… So… Of all the other times you had thought about writing a book, maybe you jotted down ideas on the back of envelopes, or made that new year’s promise to yourself that you’re gonna write a book, how do you previously made an investment and then not not finished it?

 

Alina:

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I had made those… You know, I also have the idea of… and I had… When I’d started working with you, I already had two contracts in hand. Uhm, and had a connection with Hay House, and I still had a feeling that it wouldn’t happen…

 

Angela:

Wow.

 

Alina:

…and I really sat and, you know, did my praying and meditating, and all of that to… to come to the conclusion that this is the best direction for having something that was completely my own and that I said it in a way that I wanted to say it and would make the biggest impact, uhm, for me personally and for people that I wanted to reach. I knew that was the right vehicle. Yeah, it was the right decision. So, thanks Angela!

 

Angela:

Wow, I love that! Alright, so let’s talk about, uhm, let’s talk about what was different about the process than you expected. I think we all imagine what writing a book and being an author is gonna be like. How has it been different than what you might have expected?

 

Alina:

[deep breath] I… The actual process of coming up with a, you know, an ideal reader, it is something that, you know, I hadn’t really done before to the level that your program kind of insists on. Uhm, so I… That really was my fight. I’m sure everyone has a little bit of resistance to that or lot of resistance to that, and that was really different. I thought I was writing this academic textbook [laughs] and, uh… and when I let go of that and get started getting into the feeling of, okay, I’m always gonna look from the perspective of this person that is looking for help, and not too sure about it, and, yeah, I’m gonna pick up this book as a title, but I’m feeling a bit uncomfortable and I know that person well. That person was me and that person is, you know, women in my… in my practice. So I knew that… that there was uhm… there was a real gift in focusing… really focusing on… listening through the voice of that woman and what she really needed, and, uhm, and that was really…

 

Angela:

So, when you say that, it sounds really easy, like, what else would you do? Who else’s eyes would you look through? But tell me where that got hard for you? Either in writing the chapters or coming up with the concept or titling the book or the cover… like where the places where the rubber met the road on that challenge?

 

Alina:

Well, yeah, I think it’s because, oh, I think there were a few things that… but… all speak to me personally… What – what it was is that I had been a trainer of these techniques, for, you know, going on eleven years, and so, I, you know, next week, I got another training, and so I train people and I talk to them as a trainer, and I think that… I… There was too much in… that… I just was coming across in that way and that was… If I’d say it was a struggle, it was that, it was that I was trying to say it in a language from somebody coming to a training and a workshop versus somebody reading a book, and, uhm, and so when I got… When I really got that over and over and over again, and that that’s what I needed to focus on, it became easier, but that was the hardest one – when talking about techniques or, do this and do that, and, here are some tools that I have, it really needed to be for the average person to listen – to be able to apply it for themselves without the, you know, without the aid of me standing there, teaching them for, you know, twelve hours.

 

Angela:

Yeah, and what did you… What technique did you use or how did you come back to that? How did you realize, “Oh, wait. I’m doing the trainer thing again, or, that I have to go back to my reader.

 

Alina:

Yeah. Well, I would say the cake… my editor who really just noticed that happening from time to time and would, you know, gently ask, like, “Why is this here? Why is that there? Can you explain this and that?” and conversations that I was able to have, and, if I wanted to, every week. And, uhm, and when it became… I mean, just getting the explanation of why it is that we’re doing it in that way, then I’ve certainly made it easier to do. When you understand why you’re doing it, then it makes a lot of sense.

 

Angela:

Yeah. You know, I think a lot of people feel like editors are there to, you know, check grammar, which, obviously is a piece of the puzzle, uhm, but having someone who’s gonna keep your, h, keep their eye on your ideal reader for you, and keep track of like, is this… Is this book doing what we wanted it to do? Is this matching with the goals that we had for the book? It’s easy when you’re the one writing it out to lose sight of that, ’cause all the information’s in your head.

 

Alina:

Right. Exactly.

 

Angela:

Yeah.

 

Alina:

And then, have a person who, you know, is just there, just asking you to reflect on things and… and, you know, like you said, holding that higher, higher vision of what – what the book is intending to do and who it’s intending to reach is, yeah, completely invaluable.

 

Angela:

Awesome. Alright, well, we just have a couple of minutes left. Any final words of advice you would have for somebody who wants to write a book but hasn’t been able to do it yet?

 

Alina:

Yes. If you’re listening to this, there’s something about writing a book that’s intriguing, that you… that you  feel you may have a… an inner author, uhm, and… Just really know how important it is, you know? Your someone is out there just waiting to read your pearls of wisdom… reading… just waiting to really listen to what you have to say. Uhm, you’re gonna be able to touch lives in ways that you… there’s no way that you can’t… and meet people from around the world that there’s no way you would’ve been able to do without… without a book and don’t give up and, uhm, really reach out to… reach out and have a chat with Angela and just, just uhm… I would say, that uhm, that – that first call – just makes the difference of really getting an idea of what it is that you’re actually providing ’cause I don’t think people really get it. They sort of like, “Oh, yeah. There’s sort of like this book program and that’s why (I tell everyone)… Just call her. Just set up a… Call her. Uhm, [laughs] you just, uhm… You don’t know what you don’t know, and so… but hold the vision that you are the person that’s meant to write this book, or the idea would not be putting out there in the field and you wouldn’t have thought of it. So, you’re connecting with that for a reason. There are people who need to hear it. Be brave. Do some tapping. Do what you need to do and get it done.

 

Angela:

And if you need to tap with someone, reach out to Alina. She will hook you up with someone, if it’s not her. Or if you want to learn more about how to want sex again, you can go to alinafrank.com or head over to Amazon and search for How to Want Sex Again. We’ll have all that in the show notes and we will be back next week, changing the world one book at a time.

 

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